I'm talking about the loss of a child, specifically still in the womb
I see blog posts on it frequently, but they never explain how you can find joy in this terrible thing that has happened to your family. They talk about how to grieve, and how you can grieve for as long as it takes and that is okay. They talk about what not to say to someone who has suffered a loss, and they talk about how so many women have gone through this same thing and know what you are feeling.
I have a lot of friends who do not prevent pregnancies. Supposedly one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage as it is, so when you think of how many miscarriages a woman may experience when she gives the Lord control of her fertility.
Imagine crying out to the Lord and saying, "My womb is yours Lord. I am a sacrificed vessel for you to do your work in me!" Imagine Him blessing you with the greatest blessing you can receive... only to find out, some short time later, that your baby is gone. I'm not saying this is any worse than any other person who is not allowing God to control their womb losing a baby. But you can see how it feels like a huge slap in the face.
One woman whom I greatly look up to recently lost her second pregnancy in a row. She has many children already and feels that she is nearing menopause and may never have another child. Losing two babies back-to-back in the second trimester was surely devastating to her. I remember her posting in our group that she hadn't felt movement. I remember saying it was probably fine. Probably. I didn't want to admit that the worst had possibly happened.
Later when she announced that she had lost the baby, I broke down in tears. My daughter asked me what was wrong but I couldn't even answer. Even though it wasn't my loss, I was completely overwhelmed with grief for her.
I try to ask questions before I point fingers. I know my God and I know that even if I don't understand His purpose, there is always one. So I started asking "Why?"
Why does God allow you to become pregnant and then take away your baby? What purpose does that serve? Why would that child be conceived in the first place?
I have another friend who has only two children, and they are adopting another. She has had several losses despite desperately wanting to grow their family.
I began to see the whole picture after asking about the lesson to be learned.
Treasures in HeavenMatthew 6:19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Each child lost in miscarriage is in heaven with Jesus. It is a treasure stored up in a place where thieves cannot break in and steal. Bad things happen because we live in a fallen world. The Lord doesn't cause it - it is the result of sin in the world. I believe with all my heart that there is this joy to be found despite the loss of your child.
The Lord is still growing your family in eternity even if it's not here on earth. That child will never stray and is already going to be there when you get there. I have a niece and an uncle that I will get to meet for the first time! It may not make the loss any easier but it can change the way you grieve. I know it is not comforting to say, "It wasn't meant to be," but it should be a comfort to know that your precious child was not taken from you, they were secured as a treasure in Heaven for you.